Today at the studio, work in progress, painting while I still can’t really see. This afternoon was mostly just about covering this larger canvas. The beast is 120x120x4cm and I just wanted to cover it, tame it, get control of it and loosely explore colour and texture. These are detail shots, areas and once again I need  to take photos and look at them to get more idea in terms of what is emerging. My one still working eye is settling down after last week’s operation and so far so good although I won’t really know until next week and the first check up.

Today at the studio, work in progress, painting while I still can’t really see. This afternoon was mostly just about covering this larger canvas. The beast is 120x120x4cm and I just wanted to cover it, tame it, get control of it and loosely explore colour and texture. These are detail shots, areas and once again I need  to take photos and look at them to get more idea in terms of what is emerging. My one still working eye is settling down after last week’s operation and so far so good although I won’t really know until next week and the first check up. More about under the next image…

I have written about it here on my art website but not made a big thing of it on social media, people so keep asking me what’s going on. Here’s the full story. I lost one eye in my late teenage years, I have something called Keratoconus, which generally can be fixed with a cornea transplant, the long and short of it is that didn’t work for me  and many many months in Moorfields Eye Hospital and seven operations later we gave up on that eye (leaving me looking a bit like Marilyn Manson on a bad day which eventually caused me and him to come to blows!) . So for years I’ve got on with living with Keratoconus and rather poor vision in my ‘good’ eye which means for years I’ve been able to see the moon with Mickey Mouse Earls, seven sets of traffic lights when there’s only one, blinding lines everywhere (I hate flashing bike lights and the new extra strong lights cars now have are a nightmare) For years people have generally been a blur and walking past people I know has resulted in me being accused of being aloof unfriendly and stuck up when the truth is I general can’t see people. Although things have been getting slowly worse over the years and on days when my eye hasn’t been happy with a contact lens I just have to write off those days and stay in (without a contact lens I haven’t been able to see much for years. With a contact lens my vision has always been limited). On the whole, although limited, I have been able to get on with things…

So late last year it started to become obvious that my one-eyed vision had started to get much worse, that it was going downhill rather fast. We had agreed years ago with Moorfields that the best tactic was to leave my one good eye and live with what I have. That worked (within reason)  until late last year, there were always problems, on the whole I just go on with it. This year things have rapidly declined to a point where the doctors decided it was worth the risk, something that was easier for them to say than for me to deal with at this end. It was a case of do I stick or do I twist and based on previous experience and how badly things went with my other eye and with no one ever working out why it went so wrong, it did feel like quite a gamble. So much of a gamble that I did really go and look at some Turner paintings a couple of weeks ago just in case it was the last chance I would have. 

I went into Moorfields on early on April 4th, we still had doubts as I signed the consent form, I was still seriously thinking I should stick with what I have, maybe delay a year? The clincher was a doctor saying the longer we leave it the harder the operation would get and now was the time. It was quite a few weeks leading up to it, doing the last minute More Cake show at Shipton Street Gallery with a whole bunch of artists who have been a big part of my art practice in recent years was part of it, part of me did think that might be my last show.   

Ten days on from the operation now and so far so good. I am still waking up and nervously removing the plastic eye shield I have to wear at night hoping I can still see (the first operation on my other eye seemed to have worked for the first week or so). Ten days in and things appear clearer, better, I can’t wear my contact lens yet so I can’t really tell but it feels positive, it feels hopeful, things are out focus but it feels like I might well get back to where I was a couple of years ago, so far so good! I still can see enough to go out and no way am I risking the wind or a bit of grit. I can’t wear my contact lens yet so I still can’t see that much (trying to paint and trying to see what I’ve painted in recent days is interesting. I am seeing double as I try to write this, I can just about use a computer now, trying not to do too much though (hopefully normal Organ coverage in terms of art will return soon, once I can get out and see things again, I am going a little stir crazy in here). I have my first post-op check up next Thursday, I an having to be patient right now, things are feeling positive so far, who knows what the long term future holds, things are feeling better now than they did a month ago, not out of the woods yet…